The Ten Stages of Nursing

10.) Stop bobbing your head and just latch on already!
9.) That’s not my nipple…annnnd now I have a hickey. Awesome.
8.) This show is crap, but the remote is alllll the way over there. Can I reach it with my foot?  Got it, got it *crash* Nope, can’t reach it with my foot.
7.) Why are you crying?  You’re the one who unlatched yourself.  If you wanted to keep eating, you should have stayed on.
6.) Now I’m spraying milk everywhere.  Cool.  Time to re-latch!
5.) Dang it, I have to pee.
4.) Aww, she’s looking at me and smiling! So sweet.
3.) Ugh, I sprung a leak on my other side. Now I’m soaked.
2.) Yes, she’s finally done nursing! Let me just burp her…
1.) Dammit, she just spit up all down my shirt.

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